I hate having bipolar disorder. I’ve had it since college at Ball State. There on the quarter system I did good 1st quarter could not make myself got to class on the second. and I did good on the 3rd. I read like a fiend at times. Other times I was tough to got to class.
In Vegas it took a life of its own on the manic side. All the lights, action, and life there triggered my mania. That is how I got into the stories on Jimscave.com. Not going into that really other than as High as your mania goes your drop to depression goes that deep. I had no choice but to go to work in depression.
On really bad mania I had chaining. Rhymes in my head for 10 minutes straight of long. Dog, log, bog and nonsensical words too. I heard wishpers under my door at night, I could hear them but not quite make out what they were saying, but I knew it was about me. I’d open the door and the whispers stopped, as soon as it closed, they came back. Gambling was an activity that mania spurred, but luckily I still had enough sense to only use the money I had after paying bills. I loved the thrill of betting $500 bets Sometimes on craps I’d have $2400 in play and $3000 in the rack.
The curse of bipolar is you can never trust when you get happy. It is a really happy or are you going manic. Manic state is very fun until it goes bad. MIne usually went to psychosis. Depression is just plain bad.
Leave a Reply